How I felt going into Clearing

In 2020 I got my A-Level results. They were not my predicted grades; they were far worse. They were grades I had never even considered I could get. I hadn’t gotten into my first choice, I hadn’t got into my insurance. Nothing.

Of course I had my reasons. The pandemic had hit just before my mocks and I had taken the whole thing really badly. One of my teachers had gone on sick leave early in the course and had never really come back. The government's algorithm affected my school and my subjects amongst the worst in the country. But you can’t say that to a university, they can only look at your official grades.

For the first day after I got my results I did nothing. My friends went out, but I couldn’t face them. Some of them had also not gotten quite what they wanted, but all had at least gotten into their insurance. When they asked me how I had done, I simply said I was reconsidering my options. That was enough for them all to realise to not ask any more questions.

All that day and the next, I lay in bed, watching 10 Things I Hate About You and eating Ben and Jerrys. It was like the worst break up I had ever been through. It felt like I had broken up with myself, the person I wanted to be. It felt like my entire future was gone, and that I would never do anything else worthwhile. Thirteen years of schooling had ended in me in my room. I mourned all the nights out I would never go on, the lectures I would never attend, the friends I would never meet. It was miserable.

As the third day dawned my Mum had had enough. She forced me to phone the child of a friend of hers, a successful lawyer with a beautiful family, and talk to her about what had happened. At first I didn’t know why, but as I sobbed to a virtual stranger it all became clear.

“Honey,” she said, gently, “I bombed my A-levels as well. Have you looked at clearing options?”

My teachers had told me about clearing, but I had ignored them. Why would I need to know about that? I knew where I wanted to go, and I was going to get in. But after hanging up I went back to my computer, and started looking at clearing.

There were dozens of options still available to me, some I had never even thought of. One thing about clearing I hadn’t realised before was that I could apply to any course with spaces, not just the course I had originally applied to another university. This allowed me to play to my strengths, finding courses that correlated with my highest grade. There were also people I knew who regretted the course they had originally applied for, and used clearing to change that despite getting into their first choice.

In the end, the government repealed the algorithm and I got into my original university, but a year delayed. At first I was upset about this. I felt I was wasting a year, that I would forget how to be a student. But it all worked out in the end.

The process also made me realise that no matter where you go or how you get there, you’ll likely be glad it worked out that way in the end. The people I’ve met and the experiences I’ve gained are things I wouldn’t change for anything now. If I had come to university in the year I had originally intended, or ended up somewhere else through clearing, I would have likely met different amazing people who I wouldn’t want to leave. But with how the cards landed, I’m glad and thankful to be going into my final year as I am.